Tooth Whiteners for Every Budget
Cheating Myths
Cheating: Fact and Fantasy
ByVicki Salemi
Not everyone does it, but a lot of us do. According to a 2006 report on sexual behavior by the National Opinion Research Center, 22 of men and 13 of women have had an affair. But there's more to affairs than you think. The truth may surprise you.
Cheating Is All About Sex
Not so, says Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical psychology professor at Brown University and author of 'The Secrets of Happy Married Women.' Cheating can occur on an emotional level without any physical contact. "Whether it's meeting for lunch or bonding with someone online, you are still keeping secrets from your partner."
People cheat because they've fallen out of love
"Few affairs begin because one person feels like they no longer love their spouse or partner," says Dr. Haltzman. "They may not be happy at the moment but it doesn't mean there isn't any love." Reasons for cheating often point to other issues in the relationship, such as the husband feeling like he needs an ego boost or the wife looking for more attention than she gets at home.
People cheat with hotter, younger people
If Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are any indication, the unfaithful don't necessarily gravitate to the hotter, younger. An affair may be based on a void in your current relationship, says Matt Titus, relationship expert, matchmaker and author of 'Why hasn't he called?' "You cheat based on what your spouse or partner doesn't have." For example, some cheaters are blind to looks but bedazzled by wit, wealth or intelligence.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
"When you learn by loss, you see repercussions for your actions," says Titus. As a former cheater himself during his first marriage (which ended in divorce), he learned his lessons, matured emotionally from the experience and later remarried. "I was given a second chance. I would never cheat on my wife, so once a cheater, always a cheater is not always true."
A marriage can't withstand cheating
"An affair doesn't have to be a death knell to a problematic relationship," says Dr. Haltzman. "It can be a wake up call instead." If there's an affair there are usually underlying problems in the relationship and this may be a springboard to open a dialogue via counseling sessions. "A marriage or relationship absolutely can withstand cheating."
One-time cheating is no different than an affair
"It is different," says Dr. Rhonda Fine, PhD, a clinical sexologist and diplomate of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. "One-time cheating still breaks a bond of trust in your relationship, but affairs are much more emotionally vested than a one-night stand." In both cases you've disrespected your partner and marriage vows, but ongoing affairs could be worse, as they often lead to emotional intimacy.
Women don't cheat
Oh yes they do, corrects Dr. Fine. "As women are more involved in the workforce and travel on business trips, they encounter more situations which make them prone to cheating." Plus, Dr. Fine says women bond more easily than men. "When they work closely with men, they feel more emotionally vested in the relationship."
Men cheat because they're not getting enough at home
There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and it's not always about the sex, says Dr. Fine. "People cheat because they're selfish, immature or narcisstic. Or they're excitement junkies and attracted to the drama. They put their needs ahead of others and rarely blame themselves why they cheated in the first place."
A midlife crisis = cheating
The thing about clichés, like graying hair and little red sports cars, is that most are based on fact. But a midlife crisis is much more. In an online poll produced by Wisconsin Public Radio, more than half of the respondents said that a midlife crisis is a "very real, gut-wrenchingly depressing experience." Some men hit middle age and have affairs. Others, however, start drinking too much, quit their job or become impotent or become clinically depressed. That's when it's time to seek counseling.
