This Is Your Love Life
What Happy Couples Do Right
Courtesy of Women's Health
What major changes happen during the first 10 years of coupledom? We surveyed 1,000 women currently experiencing the decade's ups and downs to find out. If you don't love what the numbers reveal, here's what you can do about it.
What major changes happen during the first 10 years of coupledom? We surveyed 1,000 women currently experiencing the decade's ups and downs to find out. If you don't love what the numbers reveal, here's what you can do about it.
10 Surprising Sex Busters
- 10 Surprising Sex Busters
From 'He's Just Not Up for It Anymore' by Bob Berkowitz, PhD, and SusanYager-Berkowitz
It's estimated that more than 20 million marriages in the U.S. are essentially sexless. That is, having sex fewer than 10 times per year. The most common problem? Lack of desire. Or it could mean a serious health issue. Find out what you can do about it. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
1: Sex. Yawn.
The most frequent reason couples are uncoupling is 'unadventurous' sex. That can mean anything from saying no to role play to refusing to leave the lights on. You don't have to memorize the Kama Sutra. What's missing from mostmarriages is enthusiasm and novelty. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
2: Online Pornography
Some people consider online porn to be harmless 'supplemental sex.' Problem is, though, it can turn into a form of virtual infidelity, where the porn-distracted spouse subverts his desire into fantasies and prevents the couple from having an emotionally complete and connected relationship. Talk it out. In person. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
3: The Kids
Sometimes passion slips after the kids. Far more serious is when he no longer views his wife with passion -- or she herself feels asexual. Be realistic: It's never going to be what it was in the first years. Enjoy the partner you have today. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
4: Erectile Dysfunction
Studies chart a decline in male sexual functioning after age 40. What happens? Stress, anxiety, and depression, not to mention vascular disease, high cholesterol and diabetes. Viagra and Cialis may work on blood flow, but the real solution lies in stimulating his libido. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
5: Weight Gain
Your weight affects your sexuality -- not to mention your partner's waistline's impact on yours. Modest gain won't dull the fire, but it's a different story if you or your spouse have packed on 30 or more pounds. The good news: Dropping 12 percent of your body weight over two years boosts sexual desire. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
6: Your Boudoir
Too many couples have an open door policy for the master bedroom -- and it's the glow of the TV, rather than the afterglow of sex, that relaxes after a busy day. Set up privacy rules and keep distractions such as clutter andcomputers to a minimum. Enhance the atmosphere of your bedroom with soft lighting, art, and music. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
7: Silent Seething
Almost nothing kills intimacy better than rage. Withholding touch, warmth, and sex can become a form of punishment. Oftentimes, this is because one spouse views sex as one of the few things within his or her control. The only way to eliminate hostility is to talk about the root of the anger. Consider marriage counseling. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
8: Maybe He's Gay?
It's understandable that a woman might suspect her passionless man isn't interested because he prefers men. In some ways, a 'Brokeback Marriage' can be a great relief. However, most surveys suggest just three to six percent of the U.S. male population is homosexual. Best to broach this subject outside the bedroom in a non-judgemental way. - 10 Surprising Sex Busters
9: Alcohol, Drugs
Alcohol and certain drugs can make some people feel more comfortable with all things sex. But too much is sloppy -- and rarely leads to great passion. Heavy drinking can lead to ED, and drug abuse can also discourage an erection. Chronic poor lifestyle choices are best dealt with by a mental health professional.
You love your guy like a half-off shoe sale. But that's today, and everything still feels warm and fuzzy. What about tomorrow? "The only constant in love is change," says Linda Olson, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and relationship therapist. So ask yourself: Will you still be thirsty for his six-pack in eight years (when it's a two-liter bottle)? Will you want to trade pillow talk for separate duvets after five? And if tots enter the picture, will the cracks from year three become crevasses a decade in? Based on our online poll of 1,000 committed women (and the help of seasoned experts), WH peeks into the future of your vie d'amour and delivers the tips and tricks you'll need to feel mushy forever, and ever, and ever--God help us.
On Pillow Talk
Survey Says:
During their first year together, 68 percent of couples talk and touch after sex. After five years, almost half are still into post-coital cuddling and conversation. But past the 10-year mark, only a third do anything other than nod off.
What gives? In the early stages of "us," we crave heart-to-hearts because, frankly, we don't know our partner very well, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. And it's after sex that you may feel closest--which means it's prime time to spill secrets, confessions, and goals. As years pass, mutual navel-gazing falls lower on our to-do list. "After 10 years, couples are more involved with the world around them than they are with each other," says Haltzman. "They juggle PTA meetings, business trips--they don't have the luxury of staying up all night just to talk."
Love-sustaining strategy Before he falls asleep, ask him those "Have you ever…?" lovey-dovey questions again (we'll bet his answers have changed). It will "restore him as a fascinating, unknown entity in your mind," says marriage therapist Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., Psy.D., author of Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away.
On Getting Freaky
Survey Says:
Until the one-year anniversary, 25 percent try new positions a few times a month. That number drops to 15 percent after five years. After year 10, only 11 percent experiment at the same rate.
What gives? There are only so many tricks in the Kama Sutra, Haltzman says. Early on, couples flex creative muscle to find out what turns each other on. As time passes, "finding new ways to do it isn't as much of a priority because you've already established what works," he says.
Love-sustaining strategy Even if you have no problem peaking, it's crucial to take different routes to the top. "Otherwise, you'll run on autopilot, and passion will fall by the wayside," Haltzman says. Doctor's orders: Create sexual resolutions for the next 12 months (who cares if the first few months of the new year have come and gone?). Discuss ways you'd each like to expand your repertoire and mentally schedule one night a month to try them out. From doing it in a stairwell to reenacting the K-Y wrestling scene in Old School, push your boundaries enough to feel nervous but not so far that you feel anxious. Get your freak on!
Next: More Relationship Strategies
More from Women's Health:
50 Ways to Look Super
Can Men Stay Faithful?
How to Talk to Your Man
On Pillow Talk
Survey Says:
During their first year together, 68 percent of couples talk and touch after sex. After five years, almost half are still into post-coital cuddling and conversation. But past the 10-year mark, only a third do anything other than nod off.
What gives? In the early stages of "us," we crave heart-to-hearts because, frankly, we don't know our partner very well, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. And it's after sex that you may feel closest--which means it's prime time to spill secrets, confessions, and goals. As years pass, mutual navel-gazing falls lower on our to-do list. "After 10 years, couples are more involved with the world around them than they are with each other," says Haltzman. "They juggle PTA meetings, business trips--they don't have the luxury of staying up all night just to talk."
Love-sustaining strategy Before he falls asleep, ask him those "Have you ever…?" lovey-dovey questions again (we'll bet his answers have changed). It will "restore him as a fascinating, unknown entity in your mind," says marriage therapist Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., Psy.D., author of Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away.
On Getting Freaky
Survey Says:
Until the one-year anniversary, 25 percent try new positions a few times a month. That number drops to 15 percent after five years. After year 10, only 11 percent experiment at the same rate.
What gives? There are only so many tricks in the Kama Sutra, Haltzman says. Early on, couples flex creative muscle to find out what turns each other on. As time passes, "finding new ways to do it isn't as much of a priority because you've already established what works," he says.
Love-sustaining strategy Even if you have no problem peaking, it's crucial to take different routes to the top. "Otherwise, you'll run on autopilot, and passion will fall by the wayside," Haltzman says. Doctor's orders: Create sexual resolutions for the next 12 months (who cares if the first few months of the new year have come and gone?). Discuss ways you'd each like to expand your repertoire and mentally schedule one night a month to try them out. From doing it in a stairwell to reenacting the K-Y wrestling scene in Old School, push your boundaries enough to feel nervous but not so far that you feel anxious. Get your freak on!
Next: More Relationship Strategies
More from Women's Health:
50 Ways to Look Super
Can Men Stay Faithful?
How to Talk to Your Man
